Oscar, 1 year.

This has been the best and worst year of my life. I have felt tidal waves of grief as well as tidal waves of love. I have descended into the deepest valleys of sadness that I thought I’d never crawl out of and then ascended the tallest mountains of joy. I wandered aimlessly and pushed forward into an unknown future.  A part of me died and a part of me was born.

I have lived 365 lives this year; each morning I woke a different person. Some of them I remember, some of them I don’t. Some of them I wish I could remember, others I wish I could forget.

Oscar Dov Beckman was born at 7:31pm on October 7, 2016. Today he is one year old.  Today is a day we weren’t sure we would see. But, we’re here and we’re doing the best we can. Tomorrow is a new day; a new opportunity to be the best versions of ourselves. Thank you for teaching me that, Oscar. Mama loves you.


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September 17, 2017: Oskiefest!

September 17, 2017.


The first (annual, we hope) Oskiefest was a reminder of everyone that has supported our family over the past (almost) year.

I continue to struggle to explain the personal transformation I continue to undergo. The only way I can explain it is I feel as though nearly all of me died in the final months of 2016. In 2017, once we were home from the hospital, I regained some sort of consciousness but I’ve had to learn how to live again though some sort of personal rehabilitation. I’ll never be able to accurately put it all into words.

Oskiefest happened because of the family, friends, and community of people that (both literally and figuratively) carried us the past year. We cannot thank everyone enough for their help celebrating Oscar yesterday and for reaching out to us to see how we’re doing. Feeling like people aren’t forgetting Oscar (or us) tightens my chest with every emotion imaginable.

Thank you all a million times over.


Nyack, NY.


#myyoungmouse #specialneedsparenting #specialneedsmom #disabilityawareness #epilepsywarrior #scn2a